Last night at 1.20am I witnessed a serious crime. I saw five labradors (very organised, probably from London) break into Meadowfresh butchers and steal five crates of premium grade cumberland sausages.
After picking up their scent I managed to collar one of them and get a photograph. Like I say, they are very sophisticated. The one I caught looks just like a poodle:
If you have been a victim of organised labrador crime then please read my blog for practical advice on how to survive and continue to live a normal happy life in Jesus.
There are labradoodles now which could mean the end is nigh!
## Update; labradoodles have been rioting outside Mc Donalds and threatening a take over by force. I have been advised that you should give them Walls sausages to appease them. This could be our only hope of being able to continue eating big tasty burgers. If we run out of Walls sausages then we have nothing left than to beg the Lord for mercy.
In other news, my sewing machine has not arrived. The sewing machine has not arrived yet so obviously I will tie some thread to the door handle and then to the delivery van 20 miles away and call for a wild ground hog to head butt the middle of the thread, thus making a swift delivery to my door. I will then knit a snuggly jumper for that ground hog and me Sabrina and ground hog will have a cream tea around the kitchen table. Obvious I know.
Should I state the obvious?
Homeless man just urinated in the alley at my home. Secretly I believe that he was a Baal. I was patient and walked past saying nothing. Even if he was not a Baal, I believed he was so he was, thus I am very patient as Baals are very bad. Walrus.
Had a lightbulb moment in bed in the morning. It was that I had new enthusiasm to go and help people. So I set off looking for people who look depressed to help. They know I am a sky pilot and they are fed up with the same advice I always give. This is why they faked the biggest smile as they walked past me. I did not say a thing to them but you see the Romans 8:28 don’t you. They faked a big smile and science says that this has a big positive effect on the rest of their body.
Squirreling away nuts in your kitchen is a prudent step for Winter. No one could call you a nutty fruitcake for this. If they did though, can you understand how “nutty fruitcake” is a triple powered saying to suggest you are a numpty? Only messing 😀😀
This is the funny section of wisdomfortoday.co.uk
Chicken soup verses lobster theory is actually very applicable for this day and age. Humble chicken soup for your soul or worldly spoilt soul lobster. This is the lobster chicken theory and it should be taught at Universities.